All the Feels
Do you ever get all the feels? You know, where you have many different emotions all at once? When my daughter was young (I hope you had a fabulous Mother’s Day yesterday), she used to say she was ‘nercited,’ a combination of nervousness and excitement. It was super cute and also very wise.
This week, I’ve pondered the topics of authenticity and the importance of feeling your feelings.
As you know, I recently wrote about my time speaking at the Generation Women event last week– most of you read it; thank you!
I struggled as I worked through that thing (last week’s piece); I couldn’t make it make sense—a reminder that I’m still shaking the dust off my short-form writing skills.
I asked Walter to look it over. He gave his opinions, I edited where it felt right, and we went to bed.
No biggie.
Neither of us slept very well that night. (how come he’s not sleeping?) We both questioned the changes made to the piece, but for entirely different reasons.
I didn’t like the ending. I thought it was flat.
I was surprised when he said, I’m having trouble with this because it makes it sound like you lack self-confidence.
Wha???
I explained that I didn’t see it so much as a lack of self-confidence but as a reflection of the many different emotions and feelings at play when doing something new. I attempted to show another side to the story—a more vulnerable side with rougher edges. You know, the things that don’t get much attention in the face of success.
I wanted to show that you can be both confident and nervous. Both are possible at the same time. When you’re living in a grounded, authentic place and feeling your feelings, life is a full experience—not one-sided.
Maybe you’re the person who talks about the things no one is talking about.
Yes, that’s exactly who I am—or, at least, who I want to be.
It is a dream of mine to foster a community that allows for the expression of the whole human experience, not just the bright, shiny parts. Showing the authentic and scarier sides of life creates space for others to do so as well– as a bonus, it gives the more difficult things less power in our lives and helps us heal.
It’s messy, it’s raw.
It’s not wrapped up in a pretty bow, and I’m cool with that.
Authenticity and feeling your feelings are keys to personal healing and transformation. I’m a true believer– this is the way.
However, as the days passed, I wondered if Walter had a point. Wait, was I expressing the experience of experiencing a plethora of emotions? (say that three times fast) Or was this an attempt at self-degradation after a big win?
Whoa, Wha???
If it’s the latter, why was I doing this to myself?
Why do we, as women, DO THIS TO OURSELVES?
There is a huge answer to that question, which we can get into later, but for now, let’s focus on asking it at least.
In this situation, I’m still not sure which it is. But I will continue to explore it– as one does. Of course, you could argue both points equally, for nothing is ever about just one thing.
But, the real questions I want to ask myself– and you can ask them, too– are:
How would our lives and worlds change if we became confident enough to show our vulnerability and authentic selves?
Normalized talking about complicated feelings?
And what if we stopped minimizing our success?
Chew on that for a bit…
I saw the ‘nercited’ daughter yesterday for Mother’s Day. She’s all grown up now. Things didn’t go as planned. I’ll spare you the details, but I will tell you that there was a remote lake cabin, a dirt road, and a flat tire involved, and everyone around me was feeling all the feels…
Sharing your experience helps others make sense of theirs.
At the end of the month, I’ll answer a few questions and share some of your stories about these topics. Do you have areas in your life where you struggle to express or feel your feelings? Do you self-deprecate and minimize your success?
Reply to this email to send me your stories and questions. You can also send them to sara@sarastansberry.com. I won’t share your name, of course, unless you want me to.
Until next time…
S
PS—Do you like what you’re reading? I would be so grateful if you shared this post with a friend who might enjoy it!
And, if you’d like to share the How To Blow Up Your Life Substack with a friend, neighbor, sister, mom, or anyone else who may need encouragement to (re)discover their voice, this is a link to pass on.
Subscribe
Are you getting my (free!) weekly emails and essays? If not, you can subscribe here.
Generation Women
If you’re so inclined, you can watch the Generation Women show– I repped “Team 50s” alongside some pretty incredible women. It costs $10. The money goes to the independent art in the NY scene— not to me ;)
Love Notes
Did you miss my Off-Broadway debut in the inaugural performance of LoveNotes!? No problem; you can watch the replay from the comfort of your home. Tickets are $15. I share my story of how I reconnected with Walter and found authentic love the second time around…;)