If you’ve ever felt pulled in two completely different directions at the same time—wanting one thing and doing another, feeling calm one moment and activated the next—this episode is for you.
In this episode of How to Blow Up Your Life, we’re talking about Parts Work. And I want to start by saying this clearly: internal conflict is not a character flaw. It’s not a sign that something is wrong with you. It’s evidence that different parts of you are trying to help you survive, protect you, or be heard.
I share a moment from my own life where a situation activated a part of me that felt deeply angry and hurt—more intensely than the moment alone could explain. At the very same time, there was another part of me that could step back, see the bigger picture, and hold compassion for everyone involved.
Two parts.
Two very different reactions.
Both real. Both meaningful.
That’s what parts work helps us understand.
In this episode, I introduce the core idea behind parts work (rooted in Internal Family Systems): that we all have sub-personalities—or parts—within us, and every single one of them has good intentions, even when their behavior causes problems.
There are no bad parts.
Not the angry ones.
Not the jealous ones.
Not the controlling ones.
Not the numbing ones.
In this episode, we explore:
What parts work is and why internal conflict doesn’t mean you’re broken
The main categories of parts many of us recognize, including:
Exiles — the young, wounded parts that carry shame, fear, abandonment, and unmet needs
Managers — the controlling, perfectionist, people-pleasing, achieving parts that try to prevent pain
Firefighters — the parts that jump in when pain is activated, often through numbing, rage, distraction, or compulsion
The Wise Self — your calm, compassionate, fully actualized adult self (what we’ve also called the Adult Chair)
Why “destructive” behaviors are often protectors doing their job too aggressively
How parts show up in everyday life and decision-making
Why acceptance—not shame—is the doorway to integration
We talk about how parts show up in subtle, familiar ways:
A part of you wants to rest, and another part calls you lazy
A part of you wants to set a boundary, and another part is terrified of disappointing someone
A part of you wants to take a risk, and another part just wants to stay safe
None of this means you’re failing.
It means you’re human.
I also share something personal—how I used to push down the parts of myself I didn’t like because I thought having them meant something was wrong with me. What I’ve learned over time is this: acceptance is the doorway to integration. When we stop shaming our parts and start listening to them, they soften. They trust us. They stop screaming to be heard.
This episode offers practical ways to begin working with your parts:
Naming them (“A part of me feels…”)
Noticing body sensations that signal which part is activated
Getting curious instead of judgmental
Asking parts what they’re protecting you from—and what they need
Thanking them for the work they’ve done
Letting your wise self step into leadership
We talk about integration—not getting rid of parts or silencing them, but helping them align with your healthiest self so they can support you instead of hijacking your life. And we talk honestly about when working with a therapist or coach can be helpful, especially when a part is deeply rooted or consistently running the show.
Here’s what I want you to walk away with:
You are not broken.
You are not “too much.”
You are not failing because you have inner conflict.
You are complex, layered, and adaptive.
And the goal isn’t perfection—it’s leadership from your wise self.
Coming Next
🎧 New episodes drop every Wednesday.
Next week, I’m joined by Jill Vyn for a powerful conversation about empowerment, overcoming self-doubt, and stepping into your life with more confidence, clarity, and self-trust.
Between Episodes
📬 Weekly essays continue every Tuesday on Substack.
If this episode resonated, stay close. This work deepens with time and attention.
Work With Me
Coaching is open.
If you’re ready for guidance and support as you learn to lead yourself with more compassion and clarity, you can learn more and apply here:
https://www.sarastansberry.com
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Here’s your invitation this week:
💬 I’d love to hear from you:
Which part of you are you ready to stop fighting—and start leading with compassion?
Every part of you belongs.
Every part of you has a story.
And when you lead instead of silence, harmony becomes possible.
LYLAS,
Sara
