How Is This My Life?

And what that means today vs. yesterday.

The rain has passed, and it’s finally a clear day here in NYC. I’m sitting at our kitchen island/my new workspace, trying to write a 500-character bio. I’m presenting at the next Generation Women event (April 30), representing Team 50s. I’m excited  - and nervous and all the things. This is new to me - presenting my writing out loud in front of like ‘live’ people. I’m in a world where it feels like everyone is much better at it than me. Plus, I haven’t been writing or publishing at all the last several years, and my God, the words are coming slooooow -  as I write this piece, as I launch a new Substack, as I pluck out the first draft on a manuscript I’m jazzed about but also terrified of. 

To help things along, I reviewed the bios of my stage-mates (Is that a word?), which may have been a mistake. A playwright, an author of 10+ books, someone who used to work for Oprah (Jesus!), and I ask myself, how is this my life?

It took me back.

Almost a decade ago, I asked myself the same question, but back then, I asked out of disbelief instead of astonishment. It was a time when the money was gone, the business had failed, the house was in foreclosure, and the secrets were coming out—the marriage was ending. 

It was a time when life’s circumstances required me to put every aspect of my life under the microscope and deconstruct how I felt about each one, how I’d gotten where I was, how I would change what wasn’t working anymore, and how I would move forward and recover from it all. 

In those days, ‘How is this my life?’ meant, ' WTF happened? ' and ‘How did I get so far off the path I thought I was on?’ I lived in shock and panic, white-knuckling my way to the next step, the next day, the next right decision. Every turn was an acknowledgement and dismantling of what wasn’t working.

Have you been there? Maybe just a little bit?

But today is different. Today, I sit in wonder and awe about where I am now and how living in alignment with my truth and finding my authentic self has allowed everything to change completely—and I mean everything. 

I’m more forgiving, more compassionate, more understanding - with others and (most times) myself. I am capable of loving more fully. I’m married to a beautiful man, and we live out our lives with intention - in the best way we know how each day. I’ll tell you, it’s rewarding, fulfilling, connected, and exciting. 

Which is kind of terrifying in a different way—exhilarating and not detrimental. It is something to build on instead of something to dismantle in order to build again.

Do you look around and sometimes think, ‘How is this my life?’

In what way?

I would love to know.

Sara

PS—Do you like what you’re reading? I would be so grateful if you shared this with a friend who might enjoy it!

Generation Women

I’m thrilled to share that I’ll perform in this month’s Generation Women show, “Uh-Oh: Stories about Mistakes.” Join me in NYC on April 30, when I’ll take the stage at Joe’s Pub alongside a very talented, multigenerational ensemble of New York storytellers. Tickets are available for the live show online now, plus there’s a live stream!

Love Notes

Did you miss my Off-Broadway debut in the inaugural performance of LoveNotes!? No problem; you can watch the replay from the comfort of your home. Tickets are $15. I share my story of how I reconnected with Walter and found authentic love the second time around…;)

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Do you like How to Blow Up Your Life? I’d be so grateful if you shared it with a friend. You can do that here. TY!