Why Does This Feel Like a Middle School Sleepover?

That thing that happens when you step out of your comfort zone.

The staircase from the greenroom was too steep for my 4” heels, and I was a little wobbly—or maybe that was just my imagination.

You might have seen on social media that I repped Team 50s at the last Generation Women show. The event is—well—genius, really. Each month, the producers take a topic and ask someone from each generation to share a story from their life perspective on that topic. The show goes chronologically, starting with the 20s and working its way up. The last generation is 70+; this month, the 70+ was 81. Incredible. 

Photo Credit Christopher Scalzi

I didn’t know what to wear. A friend told me earlier that week to wear black. You’ll fit in anywhere in NYC if you have on at least one piece of black, so black it was—I wore an entire piece of black just to make sure. I also wore a pair of 4” Stiletto sandals, which were gold. 

I felt much more dressed up than the rest of my stage mates. I was in velvet; they were mostly in jeans. I was in gold heels while they were in flats and sneakers. (And I think it’s too early to wear open-toed sandals in NYC—you can take the girl out of Florida…)

My middle school self showed up in all her glory -  awkward, doubting. Maybe I should throw my tennis shoes on with this jumper… In true pubescent pack mentality, I asked the groups’ opinion. 

You think I should change into my sneakers? 

No, they all agreed- you look great - wear what you came to wear. 

I felt vulnerable and maybe a little insecure.

I was wobbly - and not because of the 4” heels. I was wobbly because this event - and the story I was about to tell, was waaaaay out of my comfort zone. I was wobbly because everyone else on the stage with me had credentials and contacts and successful projects and careers to stand on. And I am relatively new to all of this. 

It didn’t help that in my story, I talk about aging and give (very) personal details about my life– details I hardly speak to my best friends about, let alone a room full of strangers (and a whole live-stream audience?!). 

I had put the time into the piece — I was familiar with it — and I felt good about it. But this stretched me further than I’ve ever gone. For this to work, it would take a lot of humor, which relied on my delivery. I wasn’t sure I had the chops. 

I was doing that thing you do when you’re out of your comfort zone: second-guessing yourself. I was feeling it hard.

What if it fell flat? What if I was making a mistake?

It was too late to turn back, so off I went—clomping up the stairs too steep for the heels and perhaps my story. 

Am I getting too old to wear these heels? Maybe I’m getting too old to wear these heels. God, I hope I’m not getting too old to wear these heels.  I hold the banister tight.

It’s a packed house. Sold out…

The steps to the stage have no banister - no banister!!

I don’t want to fall on my face in front of all these people—literally or figuratively.

I hang onto the wall and my stage mates and get to my seat. There is water under our chairs, and I drink my entire bottle and start in on the one belonging to my neighbor. (Sorry, Leigh!) My heart thumps with nerves and excitement. 

Oh God– I think I’m sweating…

My stage mates perform beautifully, and focusing on them provides strength and stability. It gets me out of myself for a bit. I take deep breaths and drink more of Leigh’s water. I find my center and come back into my body.

When it is my turn, I stand and walk to the podium—not a wobble in sight.

I share my story. It is brave and beautiful and wonderfully timed, and the audience is generous. I get some laughs. (ok– I get a lot of laughs)

I have just stepped out of my comfort zone and into a new place—a bigger pond, as they say—a bigger, more expanded version of myself.

I’m excited to see what’s next.

(If you’re so inclined, you can watch it here. It costs $10. The money goes to the independent art in the NY scene— not to me. )

What’s next for you? Seriously, I’d love to know! Leave a comment here or send me a DM:-) I’m not kidding– do it!

LYLAS -

S

Photo Credit Christopher Scalzi

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Love Notes

Did you miss my Off-Broadway debut in the inaugural performance of LoveNotes!? No problem; you can watch the replay from the comfort of your home. Tickets are $15. I share my story of how I reconnected with Walter and found authentic love the second time around…;)

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