Can you teach me how to say goodbye?
Facing change with integrity.
‘We’re gonna teach ‘em how to say goodbye’
It is a line from the song “One Last Time” in the second act of Hamilton. George Washington is not running for re-election and asks Alexander Hamilton to write his final address to the American people. In it, Washington’s character says to Hamilton’s:
One last time
Let’s take a break tonight
And then we’ll teach them how to say goodbye
It’s a line I can’t get out of my head right now.
I’m on the cusp of saying goodbye to a lot in this season of life.
My parents are getting older,
The dog is getting older,
My kids are graduating from college.
I’m beginning to realize it will be time to say goodbye soon, and I don’t think I’m ready for that.
I don’t feel ready for that.
(I know a lot of you are in this same season)
In the past, I’ve been pretty good at leaving, but I’m not sure I know how to say goodbye. Where is Lin-Manuel Miranda when I need him?
I’m saying goodbye to parts of myself, too.
- The young mother who spent most of her time mothering over the past 25 years.
- The 40-something lost in the euphoria of a new love. It has settled into something deeper now, but still.
- The young girl who had her whole life ahead of her.
All of these parts have become beautiful things, mind you, but it’s a goodbye nonetheless.
Knowing some chapters are over brings a sadness that I wasn’t expecting or anticipating.
I can feel I’m also saying goodbye to a smallness that’s been lurking around and keeping me feeling safe—the contained Sara. I’m unsure when exactly, but she’s about to leave. I know it in my knower.
With any new growth, something must die—death and life are intertwined, and grief comes with any change, even when the changes are ‘good’.
As I analyze my heart, I am asking important questions about how I say goodbye and, more importantly, how I say goodbye with integrity—in a way that honors my heart.
How do I want to say goodbye?
It will be like with anything else - one step at a time. Feeling it - not ‘handling’ it - not glossing over it and moving on to the next more comfortable thing that appears.
Honoring what was in its fullness - what helped, what hurt.
Accepting it all. Feeling it all.
Then, making a way for something new to begin.
How do you say goodbye?
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I appreciate each of you so much.
LYLAS -
S
Have you heard??
How to Blow Up Your Life is now a podcast. You can find it here on Substack, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts.
In the latest episode, I sat down with my friend and colleague, Shannon Yonge, an intuitive master life coach specializing in helping midlife women reconnect with themselves.
[TRAILER] How To Blow Up Your Life Podcast
![[TRAILER] How To Blow Up Your Life Podcast](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!dVcq!,w_1300,h_650,c_fill,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep,g_auto/https%3A%2F%2Fsubstack-post-media.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F45e45dd1-f6bf-44fa-b6cf-e45ae84eba61_3000x3000.png)
Ever catch yourself thinking: "This isn't how my life was supposed to turn out"?
I am so experiencing this right now in my life and sensed it but couldn’t articulate these feelings as well as you have described.
"I know it in my knower." Such a perfect line to describe that deep sensation of being certain without any clear understanding of why. I am horrible at goodbyes; they make me uncomfortable, particularly long, emotional ones, so I often cut them off at the pass just to get them over with and do my grieving in the shadows. It's not a particularly evolved way of saying goodbye, and I take notice of your invitation to do it more slowly, emotional baby steps instead of one wailing cry. Thank you for posing the question and for making the "goodbye" mean more than its general connotation. It gives me something to sit with this week.