I’m so far beyond worrying about my body given these last 5 months I can only say I hope women who come after me get better education and preventative treatment for low hormones so no woman has to go through what I’ve been through this last year. Peri women, pay attention to your symptoms and find a provider who knows about MHT. I just need to vent here and it may not be the right place but I’ve been searching for women writing about midlife. Since having covid for the FIRST TIME in Aug ‘24, my hormones have been completely out of whack. I read in a UK menopause blog that someone said long covid can be just like menopause, upsetting hormones. I, apparently am living “the perfect storm” and “this will
pass,” words spoken to me by my second GP, who I have since left. And I’d been crying at the drop of a hat all of 2024 already, but not feeling the anxiety or panic. I’ve never felt like this before. I wake up every day and immediately feel like you’d feel if you were being chased by a tiger. It makes it really difficult to “be” while pushing on, getting ready for work, etc. etc. This has become my biggest issue and I’ve been struggling with it since August. I’ve read that high cortisol is directly correlated with low estradiol and my estrodiol was LOW the day I had labs done (8!). I’m on 1 mg of oral estradiol and seeing someone I feel is good, a holistic psychiatric nurse practitioner (I had horrible bouts of depression in the fall) who looked at ALL my hormones in late Dec to work on this puzzle that I am. She’s said it could take 2-3 months for the estradiol to reach a therapeutic level (I’d been on .3 mg orally last summer which got rid of headaches that developed at the beginning of last year when all of this apparently REALLY got started. Then I was on .6 mg gel pump Aug-Jan but apparently wasn’t absorbing given my measure of 8.) I’ve been “waiting” and living with panic and worry every day for five months. Thanks for making this space. I’m 54 and had my uterus removed about 10 years ago so I didn’t have the dwindling periods to signal that I was in peri and feel blindsided by all of this. The GP and PA I saw in my 40’s never mentioned MHT and I had some depression which was plastered over with antidepressants which the data now says shouldn’t to be the first line of defense for a woman in peri. It may be hormones. I’ve lost my spark for life and cannot imagine continuing living feeling this way for the duration, or even just another month or two…
Caroline, Thank you, thank you, thank you (!) - for sharing your story and speaking your truth. You have been through so much, and I am happy you have finally found a practitioner who can help. Of course, you are venting! Look at how much you've been dismissed.
I hadn't thought about the long COVID/hormone connection. I'm glad you brought that up because women need to consider it when going to their doctors for that issue.
As for the depression and anxiety - I can attest to how debilitating they can be - I've experienced both personally. That kind of anxiety you describe happens to me as well. It's much better now that I'm on HRT, but I had an episode last week. It's time to have my bloodwork done, and I'm guessing my levels are low - I'm recovering from pneumonia, which has been a huge strain on my body.
There are so many amazing women writing about midlife on Substack. I hope you'll find a sense of community here. Some are doctors (I am not a doctor).
Below, I'll link the stacks I know of (and add to them as I can).
Thanks again for sharing your story - we learn so much from each other.
Such a valuable piece, and one I'd like to toss to soon on my new pub about women in midlife once it starts picking up speed. (Launched yesterday! woohoo!)
I've been getting back to the gym (It's January, right?) after a long absence (but a year of paying!), and it's more of a "what can I do that won't re-injure my hip, shoulder and wrist and won't exacerbate my herniations".
Love the honesty Sara. It feels so cringy to admit the privileges of youth and youthful beauty that you describe. And cringy-er yet to admit it hurts to loose them. But It’s true. And I do. Thanks putting words to it. Working on accepting it with grace - but dang, it’s much harder than I expected. And dang that’s cringy to admit. Love your words, your heart and your wisdom. 💛
I know, right? I so want to say it doesn’t bother me, or it doesn’t matter- and sometimes it doesn’t. And other times it’s well, cringy as you say. But I’m also not sure it’s useful to pretend it’s not happening… which I’m apt to do as well. What a weird place to be sometimes. Thanks, Sandy for your kind words:)
I don't know about anyone else, but I f-ing LOVE this idea for a semi-regular series! As a 40-something woman sliding in to perimenopause without grace or acceptance, I feel this so hard. I did this dance as a teenager and again as an early 20-year old, and then got these blissful 20ish years of something approaching self-acceptance and now this. It feels like a dirty trick. Except, I like my brain more now, my patience, my self-awareness, my creativity. So, you give and you get, but I'm still not happy about it. 😒
I can relate! "It feels like a dirty trick" - love that:-) The ambivalence of it all is simply striking. I'm glad you liked the piece - more coming soon.
Welcome to the club! I hate to admit my mantra for today is “skinny will feel better than anything tastes.” But I feel guilty for saying it to myself and guilty for not saying it.
I’m so far beyond worrying about my body given these last 5 months I can only say I hope women who come after me get better education and preventative treatment for low hormones so no woman has to go through what I’ve been through this last year. Peri women, pay attention to your symptoms and find a provider who knows about MHT. I just need to vent here and it may not be the right place but I’ve been searching for women writing about midlife. Since having covid for the FIRST TIME in Aug ‘24, my hormones have been completely out of whack. I read in a UK menopause blog that someone said long covid can be just like menopause, upsetting hormones. I, apparently am living “the perfect storm” and “this will
pass,” words spoken to me by my second GP, who I have since left. And I’d been crying at the drop of a hat all of 2024 already, but not feeling the anxiety or panic. I’ve never felt like this before. I wake up every day and immediately feel like you’d feel if you were being chased by a tiger. It makes it really difficult to “be” while pushing on, getting ready for work, etc. etc. This has become my biggest issue and I’ve been struggling with it since August. I’ve read that high cortisol is directly correlated with low estradiol and my estrodiol was LOW the day I had labs done (8!). I’m on 1 mg of oral estradiol and seeing someone I feel is good, a holistic psychiatric nurse practitioner (I had horrible bouts of depression in the fall) who looked at ALL my hormones in late Dec to work on this puzzle that I am. She’s said it could take 2-3 months for the estradiol to reach a therapeutic level (I’d been on .3 mg orally last summer which got rid of headaches that developed at the beginning of last year when all of this apparently REALLY got started. Then I was on .6 mg gel pump Aug-Jan but apparently wasn’t absorbing given my measure of 8.) I’ve been “waiting” and living with panic and worry every day for five months. Thanks for making this space. I’m 54 and had my uterus removed about 10 years ago so I didn’t have the dwindling periods to signal that I was in peri and feel blindsided by all of this. The GP and PA I saw in my 40’s never mentioned MHT and I had some depression which was plastered over with antidepressants which the data now says shouldn’t to be the first line of defense for a woman in peri. It may be hormones. I’ve lost my spark for life and cannot imagine continuing living feeling this way for the duration, or even just another month or two…
Caroline, Thank you, thank you, thank you (!) - for sharing your story and speaking your truth. You have been through so much, and I am happy you have finally found a practitioner who can help. Of course, you are venting! Look at how much you've been dismissed.
I hadn't thought about the long COVID/hormone connection. I'm glad you brought that up because women need to consider it when going to their doctors for that issue.
As for the depression and anxiety - I can attest to how debilitating they can be - I've experienced both personally. That kind of anxiety you describe happens to me as well. It's much better now that I'm on HRT, but I had an episode last week. It's time to have my bloodwork done, and I'm guessing my levels are low - I'm recovering from pneumonia, which has been a huge strain on my body.
There are so many amazing women writing about midlife on Substack. I hope you'll find a sense of community here. Some are doctors (I am not a doctor).
Below, I'll link the stacks I know of (and add to them as I can).
Thanks again for sharing your story - we learn so much from each other.
You are not alone in this.
You (and your venting) are welcome here :-)
Hi Caroline - Here are some additional Substacks I think you might enjoy. Take a look. ❤️
The Midlife Curriculum
https://phdl.substack.com/p/the-midlife-curriculum
Midstory Magazine
https://midstory.substack.com/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=profile_page
https://andreahoffmannwrites.substack.com
Your Integrative Physician
https://tanmeetsethimd.substack.com
I'm Too Old For This
https://toooldforthis.substack.com
Are You OK?
https://lucymcbride.substack.com/?utm_source=global-search
Unf*cking Midlife
https://ashleykelsch.substack.com
Such a valuable piece, and one I'd like to toss to soon on my new pub about women in midlife once it starts picking up speed. (Launched yesterday! woohoo!)
I've been getting back to the gym (It's January, right?) after a long absence (but a year of paying!), and it's more of a "what can I do that won't re-injure my hip, shoulder and wrist and won't exacerbate my herniations".
Different experience!!
I feel your pain, ma'am. :)
Thanks, Andrea - Yes, the gym is definitely a different experience - ugh!
Congratulations on your new pub! I can't wait to join that conversation.
Love the honesty Sara. It feels so cringy to admit the privileges of youth and youthful beauty that you describe. And cringy-er yet to admit it hurts to loose them. But It’s true. And I do. Thanks putting words to it. Working on accepting it with grace - but dang, it’s much harder than I expected. And dang that’s cringy to admit. Love your words, your heart and your wisdom. 💛
I know, right? I so want to say it doesn’t bother me, or it doesn’t matter- and sometimes it doesn’t. And other times it’s well, cringy as you say. But I’m also not sure it’s useful to pretend it’s not happening… which I’m apt to do as well. What a weird place to be sometimes. Thanks, Sandy for your kind words:)
Loved the piece and definitely excited to see more! 👏🏻
I don't know about anyone else, but I f-ing LOVE this idea for a semi-regular series! As a 40-something woman sliding in to perimenopause without grace or acceptance, I feel this so hard. I did this dance as a teenager and again as an early 20-year old, and then got these blissful 20ish years of something approaching self-acceptance and now this. It feels like a dirty trick. Except, I like my brain more now, my patience, my self-awareness, my creativity. So, you give and you get, but I'm still not happy about it. 😒
I can relate! "It feels like a dirty trick" - love that:-) The ambivalence of it all is simply striking. I'm glad you liked the piece - more coming soon.
Welcome to the club! I hate to admit my mantra for today is “skinny will feel better than anything tastes.” But I feel guilty for saying it to myself and guilty for not saying it.
Yeah- I get that. That’s such an honest perspective on what we face as women regarding body image, worthiness and the like. It’s a BIG conversation.